why i wanted to read it: i have a faint recollection, i think when i'd been a bookseller at borders, of seeing this book on one of the displays--a bestsellers bay or a trade paperback table or something--on one of the front of store fixtures. i remember thinking the cover was pretty. i also remember rolling my eyes at the obvious reference to shakespeare. a modern day take. how original. last year, while i'd briefly provided what ended up being free and unnecessary services to a local bookstore here, i'd come across it in the stacks of books i'd been cataloging. i read a few pages thinking it sounded cute, despite the lack of originality. and i like love stories where the characters spend most of their adult lives trying to find each other. a week or so ago, i googled best love stories and was directed to good reads' list of fifteen hundred titles. one of them was this one.

what i liked: she waved her hand at me, a gesture she had picked up from her father. "they're idiots. not idiots, really. they're good guys one at a time, but when you put them together they're like, i don't know. a bunch of moose or something" (p. 191).

"that's good. i don't mean good that he's hurt, but this way all the boys will be able to say dad won" (p. 192).

a couple of the characters--romeo cacciamani and his daughter, patience, a.k.a. plummy. that the story was a fast read. it's cute. everytime the grandma got a piece of the story, i pictured anne bancroft playing her role. she would've nailed it.

what sucked: the story didn't impress me at all. i gave it to page eighty and was gonna bail, but then, i realized there's only two hundred pages or so to the thing. i might as well finish it. and in my mind, from now on, i will picture anne bancroft as a batshit-crazy grandma. sad.

i really need to start looking at the backs of books. i was going to read marian keyes' lucy sullivan is getting married (found it at barnes & noble's while at work one day. liked the cover. meant to give it a look, but never got around to it. saw it on a good reads list. apparently, it's popular in britain or something. so much so they'd made a television series about it. story seemed cute and quick, even though the book had twice as many pages as this one. the printing? bold and heavy. pretty font. easy to read and nice to look at. oh, but the story... it's awfully written. AWFUL). so yeah, on the back of the keyes' book, for the brief author bio, she says that she lives with her husband and their IMAGINARY DOG. O-KAY. christian science monitor hails julie and romeo as "a captivating modern romance." modern and romance, sure. captivating? for me? not so much. and a christian magazine's recommending it? next time i'll know to pass.

having said all that: keep in mind, i'm a pretty critical chick. my standards for good fiction, like everything else, are pretty high. this one's a decent beach read, on par with some of nora roberts' crappier tales, without the sex, of course.

the silver linings playbook

why i wanted to read it: the movie, i felt, doesn't deserve near as much hype as it's gotten. i liked it well enough, but i can't say it's one i'd want to own. i hadn't realized it'd been adapted for the screen from a novel,  though i probably should have, until i saw it on the counter of a bookstore's cafe. one of the baristas had recommended it. i'd told her i hadn't been too crazy about the movie. she insisted the book was a lot better.

what i liked: i don't have quotes for you on this one, either. none of the writing really tugged on me so much that i want to remember it. it's not a powerfully-written story from a linguistic view, i guess. the language isn't spectacular, here. the story's not. but the characters make it interesting, and the author does a great job of making those characters real to the reader because of how it's written. the main character, for example, is a man who has no filter, doesn't want one, would prefer others not have them.  he's also pretty impulsive and aggressive. he narrates the story. and the way he tells it is often amusing.

what sucked: the back third of it, save for the last three pages. those last three are really quite good.

having said all that: i liked the main character more, having read the book. but i think the film does a better job of telling that story than the novel does.

i see you everywhere

why i wanted to read it: i liked the title. i liked the cover art. i liked that it was about two siblings, two sisters--louisa and clement (what a cool name for a gal!). i liked that it spanned more than two decades. i liked that it was free--an advanced reader's copy i'd snagged of the barnes & noble booksellers' breakroom table while at work one day.

what i liked: i can't give you quotes on this one because my copy isn't a final copy, isn't the technical, printed word, the one that everyone gets to read, and i'm instructed on the back of the book that quoting it isn't allowed. so... i liked that it's told in story arcs, really, rather than chapters. long arcs, and sometimes the point of view hops back and forth along that trajectory from one sister to the other--first lou's version, then clem's. or it's told from entirely one perspective. i liked that here and there, there's poetry. for the most part, i liked the characters. i liked that it made me miss my mother's side of the family, made me long to know my great aunts and uncles a little better. that it moved me.

what sucked: that it dragged in places. that it made me miss my family. that it made me cry. repeatedly. i hadn't expected that. hadn't wanted it. and i'm a little annoyed, still, that it did so.

having said all that: it's incredibly rare that a book makes me cry. and for this reason, i must recognize it as a good one. worth reading, even though it affected me in such a way.

the perks of being a wallflower

why i wanted to read it: because i used to work at a bookstore, and this was one of those titles that i saw pass through the checkout line frequently. because it's small. i figured it'd be a quick read. and i really like tiny books that pack a punch. it didn't have that fanfare around like twilight and harry potter or, now, fifty shades. so it's kind of quiet book, but there must be something about it that resonates. it'd been sitting on my desktop, in the queue, for some time, however. and then i saw the movie, which i liked quite a bit, and meant to get around to reading it... but there's a lot on my get-around-to-this list.

what i liked: that's when i started thinking about my sister... how she was actually very pretty. and how different her face looked when she realized boys thought she was pretty. and how different her face looked the first time she really liked a boy who was not on a poster on her wall. and how her face looked when she realized she was in love with that boy. and then i wondered how her face would look when she came out from behind those doors.

when i thought that, i started to cry... and i couldn't let that happen because my sister was counting on me, and this was the first time anyone ever counted on me for anything" (p. 118).

i know that i brought all this on myself. i know that i deserve this. i'd do anything not to be this way. i'd do anything to make it up to everyone. and to not have to see a psychiatrist, who explains to me about being "passive agressive." and to not have to take the medicine he gives me, which is too expensive for my dad. and to not have to talk about bad memories with him. or be nostalgic about bad things (p. 139).

i look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. if they like their jobs. or us. and i wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. not in a mean way. in a curious way. it's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report on top of that. or wondering who did the heartbreaking. and wondering why (p. 142).

what sucked: nothing.

having said all that: i still say one day is the best book i've read this year so far. but i did like this one quite a bit.

a smile as small as mine

there are people who get to look on that view every day. i'm privileged that i got to see it once.

i've not been doing well. more often than not lately, i go through my days feeling as though i am either invisible or a laughing stock. i am reminded of how i felt in my childhood and adolescence, and i had a hell of a time getting through those days. i don't like remembering them.

today, i bothered to paint my nails--they don't often grow well and rarely are long enough, but i've managed to get them to grow a little bit past my fingertips. they're about to start splitting or breaking. i've got three or four different bottles of opi lacquer on my bathroom counter. for some reason today, i felt compelled to pick one up and paint. i'm horrible at this, by the way. my hands aren't steady enough to do it well. so, the polish looks okay, so long as no one looks too close.

like me. i'm alright, until you get to know me. then... i'm too moody and too serious and too this, that and the other thing.

i don't know how to talk to people.

i'm tired of being weird, a.k.a. strange, as in "not comfortable or at ease; constrained."

there are stickers in austin that insist people keep the place weird. portland, oregon has them, too.

people seem to think being weird is the way to go, and yet my weirdness isn't embraced by anyone.

sometimes, i can't even wrap my arms around it.

i wouldn't mind the invisibility or the ridicule so much if i could embrace my imperfections all the time. but sometimes, when i'm met with so much adversity from without, it makes it harder for me to shrug off the adversity i battle in my brain.

right now, i feel as though i am constantly beseiged.

so today, i painted my nails, and drug my fat ass to the gym. i showered and dressed and put on some make-up--nothing crazy, just mascara and lipstick--with the hopes that spending a little more time on myself might reinforce the battlements somehow. so stupid.

i could use some kindness. and not just that kind you get from your facebook friends. but the sort you see in those random acts of strangers... so if you're the praying sort...

my mother's got this page-a-day that she no longer flips. it's kept on january twenty-seventh's quote, a poem of emily dickinson's:

they might not need me;
but they might.
i'll let my head be just in sight;
a smile as small as mine might be
precisely their necessity.

random quarter

do you know what the problem with having an eight-year-old blog is? you run out of things to say. or you spend more time racking your brain for something new than you do on actually writing the new post. i like writing random quarter posts the best, but they take forever. still, they are my favorites, and so i thought perhaps since this is so, such a post should be used to mark the occasion. which means i've to come up with twenty-five new things to tell you about me. i am not, however, going to reread every rq post to ensure that i don't repeat myself. and some of you are newish here, anyway, so...

one. i wear the same size shoe as my mother, but i am four inches shorter than she. thank you smoking for stunting my growth. seriously. i would not want to be five foot eleven. that would suck.

two.  the only band i plan on seeing in concert this year is the airborne toxic event--which i have seen twice now--at house of blues houston, which happens to be my favorite concert venue.

three. somehow the psychedelic furs' love my way got in my head. i have no idea how that happened.

four. i have not been to the gym in four months. and it shows. oh, how it shows. and yet the horror of my flabbiness is not enough to motivate me to drag my fat ass in there.

five. i have no depth perception. i've mentioned this before. i'm doing it again because it causes me great trouble. like, while walking in a crowded mall, trying to guess how far away people are from me and whether my projected path will intersect with theirs and when and how do i change my course as to avoid this... calculating this stuff when i have no concept of feet and yards and all that crap, when everything is flat is a huge inconvenience and annoyance, and i'm not always good at masking that annoyance, so people often respond with, "what the hell is your problem?!" so many things come to mind. 

still. it's not quite so bad as this.

six. i should be working on my novel right now. or doing laundry. or finishing cleaning out my closet. or reading east of eden. or mucking out my car. instead i'm sitting here typing this thing. 

seven. i don't much care for reality shows.

eight. my favorite food is bread. i think i'm allergic to it, though, and i probably wouldn't need the gym so badly if i didn't eat so much of it, but i don't care. more butter, please. 

nine. in nine weeks, i will be forty. fuck. 

ten. i do not like cats. and this isn't because i am horribly, horribly allergic to them. i wouldn't like them even if i weren't.

eleven. i signed up for a singles event. a viewing of the film safe haven. not because i want to see the movie or because i'm hoping for a good outcome having attended, but because i'm curious to know what kind of guys would willingly volunteer to see a nicholas sparks film. should make for some good people watching.

twelve. i cannot stand jim harbaugh. i don't like how he treated alex smith this year, how he seemed to have such confidence in him last season and then, post-concussion, relegates him to backup quarterback status. that's pretty crappy, if you ask me. but i can't stand the ravens all that much, either. they beat up my patriots. i'm a little pissed. still, i do love michael crabtree. so i'll have to root for the forty-niners. and oh, how it pains me to say this.

thirteen. i am not religious. at all. perhaps if i were closer to god, my life would be very different. he's like the gym. i know i should go. i know i should strive to be better. but at this age, does it really matter all that much?

fourteen. i miss san antonio. but i'm certain if i were to go back there, i would be annoyed at its growth and so-called progress.

fifteen. i want to go to austria. and ireland. i can't decide which one i want to see more.

sixteen. i can't decide if i want to go to graduate school. a part of me thinks i'd be hiding and wasting time, and i do those things so well already. paying twenty grand to do them so more seems beyond wasteful.

seventeen. i get really bad dizzy spells. daily. they scare me. probably because i eat too much bread and avoid the gym too often.

eighteen. i've started to forget what being in love is like. 

nineteen. i used to love to drive. i don't anymore. in fact, the less i'm in a car, the happier i am.

twenty. i suck at saving money.

twenty-one. i wish there were more great books out there. i want more good love stories in my library, and am seeking recommendations.

twenty-two. every now and then i'll try to pamper myself with a day at a salon--haircut, manicure, pedicure, facial. and halfway through, i'm chomping at the bit to get out. so BORING. 

twenty-three. i can't sleep more than four hours at a time anymore. it's irritating. 

twenty-four. i can't blow bubble gum bubbles.

twenty-five. i don't wear yoga pants except to sleep.

one day

why i wanted to read it: because i LOVED the movie. because it's a beautiful story about emma and dexter. because usually books are better.

what i liked: SO many things.

she plucked the cigarette from his mouth. "i can imagine you at forty," she said, a hint of malice in her voice. "i can picture it right now... you're a big man in a small car with a tan like a basted turkey."

"so shall we change the subject, then?" (p. 6).

"so if i'm so awful--" his hand was on her hip now.

"--which you are."

"then why are you sleeping with me?" his hand was on the warm soft flesh of her thigh.

"actually, i don't think i have slept with you, have i?" (p. 7).

"what are you doing later?"

tell her that you're busy. "nothing much," he said.

"so, shall we do something then? me and you, i mean?"

wait 'til she's asleep then sneak away. "yeah. alright," he said. "let's do something," (p. 13).

(in a letter from dexter, in which he asks her to come to india) have a look around and at precisely twelve midday you stand directly under the centre of the dome with a red rose in one hand and a copy of nicholas nickleby in the other and i will come and find you, em. i will be carrying a white rose and my copy of howard's end and when i see you i will throw it at your head (p. 47).

"what's up with you?" said emma, without looking up from dostoevsky's the idiot.

"i can't get into it."

"it's a masterpiece."

"makes my head hurt."

"i should have got something with pictures or flaps."

"oh, i am enjoying it--"

"very hungry caterpillar or something--"

"i'm just finding it a bit dense. it's just this bloke banging on about how horny he is all the time."

"i thought it would strike a chord." she raised her sunglasses. "it's a very erotic book, dex."

"only if you're into little girls."

"tell me one more time, why were you sacked from that language school in rome?" (p. 75).

(in a conversion with his ex-wife) "we do all love you, dexter."

"no reason why you should," he mumbles, embarrassed.

"no, maybe not. but we do" (p. 407).

what sucked: the length. the last fifty pages or so dragged a bit. but the last few pages made up for that.

having said all that: of the handful of books i've read lately, i've liked it the best. SO good.

the phantom tollbooth

why i wanted to read it: because in fifth or sixth grade, we watched the film version, and i remember liking it a lot. ever since i watched it, i wanted to read it but never got around to it.

that's the whole movie, boys and girls. just so you know.

what i liked: "here in digitopolis, we have our meals when we're full and eat until we're hungry. that way, when you don't have anything at all, you have more than enough. it's a very economical system. you must have been quite stuffed to have eaten so much."

"it's completely logical," explained the dodecahedron. "the more you want, the less you get, and the less you get, the more you have. simple arithmetic, that's all. suppose you had something and added something to it. what would that make?"

"more," said milo quickly.

"quite correct," he nodded. "now suppose you had something and added nothing to it. what would you have?"

"the same," he answered again, without much conviction.

"splendid," cried the dodecahedron. "and suppose you had something and added less than nothing to it. what you would have then?"

"FAMINE!" roared the anguished humbug, who suddenly realized that that was exactly what he'd eaten twenty-three bowls of.

"it's not as bad as all that," said the dodecahedron from his most sympathetic face. "In a few hours you'll be nice and full again--just in time for dinner."

"oh dear," said milo sadly and softly. "i only eat when i'm hungry."

"what a curious idea," said the mathemegician, raising his staff over his head and scrubbing the rubber end back and forth several times on the ceiling. "the next thing you'll have us believe is that you only sleep when you're tired. (pp. 186-7).

"you'll find," [the mathemagician] remarked gently, "that the only thing you can do easily is be wrong, and that's hardly worth the effort. (p. 198).

it's clever and whimsical. full of imagination.

what sucked: it can be pretty ridiculous, and i couldn't help but wonder, throughout my reading of it, what illicit substances the author might have ingested to influence the crafting of this tale... but then maybe i should've read when i was younger.

having said all that: i'm not too keen on it.

fifty shades of grey

why i wanted to read it. i didn't. when polling my friends and coworkers for potential books to read for this little quest of mine, my store manager told me i had to read it. and far be it from me to ignore a direct order from the boss lady.

what i liked: "spend the night with me."

"and not touch you? no" (p. 227).

"is that all you want me for--my body?" i whisper.

"that and your smart mouth," he breathes (p. 316).

the tension between anastasia and christian. they've got good chemistry. i like anastasia. and i like christian, too, i suppose. to an extent.

what sucked: the length. no way in hell did this book EVER need to be anywhere near five hundred pages long. i was ready for it to be over a quarter past three hundred. way too many sex scenes. i'm an aries. and like most aries, i'm a pretty passionate chick. and those sex scenes, they do what the author intended for them to do (and that's all i'll say about that). but i don't need to read about every single instance the lovers choose to get it on. what moves me in this story is the conflict, not the friction.

having said all that: i liked it well enough.

dash and lily's book of dares

why i wanted to read it: because they wrote nick and norah's infinite playlist, which i loved. because i like that the authors alternate chapters. because i'd expected it to be a quick, engaging read, and i wanted to start simple, because half the books i've chosen for this month are HEAVY.

what i liked: "if you tell me, i will leave you alone," i said. "and if you don't tell me, i am going to grab the nearest ghost written james patterson romance novel and i am going to follow you through this store reading it out loud until you relent" (pp. 146-147).

"i'm persnickety," i confessed. "not, incidentally, to the point of being snarly. but still. delightful and persnickety are not a common blend" (p. 153).

"lily," edgar thibaud said, oozing sincerity. he took my hand in his. my hand, now oozing sweat, quivered from his touch. "i'm so sorry about your gerbil. truly. i would never knowingly harm a sentient being." his lips placed a contrite peck upon my knuckles.

i happen to know that edgar thibaud graduated from killing gerbils in first grade to becoming one of those fourth-grade boys who use magnifying glasses to direct the sun to fry worms and other random insects in alleyways.

it is possibly true what grandpa's buddies have repeatedly told me: teenage boys cannot be trusted. their intentions are not pure.

this must be part of mother nature's master plan--making these boys so irresistibly cute, in such a naughty way, that the purity of their intentions becomes irrelevant (p. 156).

"what have we learned, lily," mrs. basil e. asked me as she poured me a cup.

"taking too many sips of other people's drinks can lead to disastrous consequences."

"obviously," she said imperiously. "but more importantly?"

"don't mix drinks. if you're going to sip peppermint schnapps, only sip peppermint schnapps."

"thank you" (p. 178).

the dash fellow never showed up to see his snowman. i would've shown up if someone had built me a snowman, but i am a female. logical (p. 199).

and the premise of the story is cute and clever: girl leaves a red, moleskin notebook atop a copy of franny and zooey with a dare inside. boy finds notebook and accepts the challenge. but the greatest dare, of course, is getting to know one another. 

what sucked: the last forty-seven pages, otherwise known as chapters seventeen through twenty. that i was just starting to really like the story when it took an incredibly ridiculous turn and never righted itself. nor was it a quick read like nick and norah's tale had been. nor are its characters anywhere near as likable as nick or norah. 

having said all that: i liked it well enough. but i did not love it. the whole time i read it, i was confident that someone would choose to adapt it for the big screen. and sure enough... perhaps the film will do the story better justice than the book did. of course, the film version of nick and norah's story was abominable. so i'm not holding my breath.

random quarter

one. i like chocolate martinis made with creme de cacao better than those made with baileys. i hadn't realized this until yesterday.

two. so about half the chapters i've written shame me. i read them, and i think a college english student could write better. and this is all i have, really. my voice and my ability to craft a sentence. and without them... without them i feel like i have nothing to offer anyone. not that many have ever heard my voice. that i pretty much keep to myself. it's my solace. i save it. but the writing... i spent four hours at pappadeaux's this afternoon reading over the first ten chapters or so, and i hate that i've put so much effort and still have so much more to invest. i just want to be done with it, so that i can make some attempt to support myself and accomplish something of merit.

three. there are so many things i wish i could forget. and there are things i've done my damnedest to forget that i can't let go of. memories i've tried to quash by tossing out everything physical that's paired with them. and sometimes, i wish i'd kept those things. like keeping them would make it okay that i can't let go of the remnants. or won't. whatever. maybe i hold them because there was some bit of good there... maybe it's because i liked myself in that moment. or wish i could go back and redo, and my mind keeps trying to recreate a better scene or something. i don't know. i do know i wish this weren't so.

four. i wish i could love life.

five. wishing is so incredibly stupid.

six. i don't understand why a sixth-rank team competed against an unranked team in the rose bowl. i don't understand the bcs. i know i've ranted about that before, but that system continues to be an enigma to me.

seven. i have managed to keep my room straight for a whole week. it's a MIRACLE.

eight. i could use more of those in my life. my mother would probably say i've been given an abundance of them.

nine. i feel like i lack so much. i'm never more aware of this than when i am alone.

ten. i'm watching the vow. i'm pretty sure if i'd married a guy, then suffered a traumatic brain injury and couldn't remember my life with him, it would freak me the fuck out. but i also know that i would want my parents and my husband to be amicable to each other. to operate on the same page. to make a unified effort to bring me back, no matter how estranged i might've been from my family prior to the accident. i wouldn't appreciate being pulled in so many directions.

eleven. i was in love once. it didn't take long to fall. i liked so much about him from the moment i met him that it was quite easy, actually. the way i thought it ought to be. and the first time i watched that stupid movie, in that scene where leo tells the woman with whom he works about the first time his wife told him she loved him, that it'd only taken her two weeks... that's how long it took me. and for most of the time since, i've told myself it couldn't be, because it was only two weeks... you can't fall in love in two weeks... you've confused it. but when i saw that scene, i wept.

twelve. and i know i can't feel quite like that again, but it sure makes dating hard. i'll go out with a guy, and i'll think i should feel some semblance of that... not exactly that because, of course, i can't have that again (and if it were meant for me, i would've been able to hold onto it the first time). maybe it's too big for me. maybe the lord saw that and thought she's needing something a little bit more tangible. but, still, i want some semblance of it, even it's smaller. and i haven't felt that for a guy in some time. it makes me sad. makes me regret that i couldn't hang onto it the first time.

thirteen. waiting sucks. SO much.

fourteen. sometimes i feel like i should settle. and i hate myself for that.

fifteen. why do i watch movies that make me cry? GAH.

sixteen. so now it's the proposal. i'm spending new year's day watching romantic cinema because apparently i'd much rather watch sap than write it. if only i could get paid to do this.

seventeen. i can't stand malin akerman.

eighteen. my only new year's resolution this year is to read one hundred books. (not necessarily those banned books that i said ages ago that i was going to read, though

nineteen. i'm out of godiva. that sucks, too. but not quite so much as waiting, because while i can't speed things (those collisions leo keeps going on and on about in the vow), i can speed to the liquor store. not that i'll be doing that today.

twenty. i'm gonna try to do that whole sixty minutes of play thing that professional athletes keep going on and on about in those nfl advertisements. i might not be able to accomplish it each day (which is why it's not going to be a resolution), but i should play more. maybe i'll invest in one of those wii things  so i can do that stupid dance game. or maybe i'll just put some cds in and dance until i collapse.

twenty-one. why, oh why must the television broadcast shit like trailers for texas chainsaw massacre? i'm trying to relax here!

twenty-two. the tidbit i like best about the proposal is that bit about margaret's tattoo and her reasons for getting it. in two very short, well-crafted scenes, the viewer is given great insight into her character. i love that writing can do this.

twenty-three. i've been drinking way too much coca-cola lately.

twenty-four. i worry that others perceive me to be high maintenance. which means i must be. and i try so hard not to be.

twenty-five. i can't stand bradley cooper, either. UGH. (and upon reflection, it occurs to me that perhaps i've mentioned this before. at least once. it bares repeating. again.)

reading emily

the town celebrated emily dickinson's life tonight at a small pub on the square. the room was filled with scholarly types, girls and boys young and old. i clapped as each approached the stage. i clapped after they read another poet's work. i clapped after they read their own, even though i didn't think much of it. of the dozens of poems i heard, i only liked one.

i sat there, silently. waiting for it to be over. patiently. staring at the floor.

the godawful floor. and suddenly i wanted a pen and paper. thankfully, my mother always packs one in her bag. and someone left a paper napkin on the table.

slabs of concrete, colored like dried vomit
crossed, counted off, divided by thin, dirty, red lines
like fresh cuts or scabs touched too often
glass--frosted or clear
framed by tiny white lights
and big, velvety red bows
thin plastic, red like cherry popsicles
melting on cheap, wood tables
topped with red, green and white balloons
too much christmas
too much cheer
in too small a room
too many words
and yet not enough to keep my attention here

thankfully, when it was over, i picked up a battered, gray hardcover of dickinson's poetry someone had left on a table, flipped it open and found something new to me:

number four ninety-one

while it is alive
until death touches it
while it and i lap one air
dwell in one blood
under one sacrament
show me division can split or pare--

love is like life--merely longer
love is like death--during the grave
love is the fellow of the resurrection
scooping up the dust and chanting--"live"!

random quarter

one. i spend sunday mornings watching cbs sunday morning, face the nation, and this week with my parents.

two. i can't stand david axelrod. the words that come out of that pompous, styleless moron irk me SO much.

three. a friend posted as his facebook status "be that 53%". and this is the best reaction to the bashing romney's taken for that video about 47% wouldn't vote for him. not too long ago, i heard ann coulter vehemently defend romney's comment, saying that the quote was taken out of context and twisted around so that the democrats could use the soundbite as a weapon to deflate romney's campaign.

four. i watched a bit of that debate. i have to get up supremely early, so i didn't stay up for the whole thing. but i waited to hear each candidate response to the first question. and i gotta say, romney did a helluva lot better than obama. and i was SO glad of this.

five. and the democrats, as quoted by george stephanolopous (who's a democrat himself), are calling romney masterful, theatrical and dishonest? really? those are words i would use to describe obama's campaign speeches from his first run.

six. i love james carville and mary matalin. i love how vocal he is, how animated, how firm he is in his convictions. like when he's bashing obama for not reacting more quickly to the gulf's oil crisis. i like how cool matalin is. how they are complete opposites and yet so perfect for each other. so complementary.

matalin on obama's presence in the debate: can i state the obvious here? he didn't bring his game because he doesn't have one. and in response to krugman's idiotic arguments: yes, it does, professor, doctor krugman... you're hardly credible on calling someone else a liar. and i love watching her face when her husband speaks. she cracks me up.

seven. and the stupid politicians keep going on about romney and big bird or that stupid tape. oh, good lord.

eight. i have great respect for new jersey's governor christie just because on a previous episode of this week, george asked him if he liked a guy and he said no. and that was it. and when george prompted him to expound on that, he said, again, no, he didn't like him. and that was that. and i love that about him. i love that when a question required a yes or no answer, he gave the simple and concise. the one that lacked any bullshit.

nine. the unemployment rate's gone down? well, of course it has! christmas is in two months! retail business are hiring part-time help. look at that statistic again mid-january.

ten. my mother just showed me a blurb in parade about the african american version of steel magnolias to be shown on lifetime's network. i really don't see why anyone would feel it necessary to regurgitate a story that's already been told (and superbly well, at that), and justify the retelling by changing the color of the cast. i find this despicable, really. we should be past this by now. i think this disrespects the equality so many civil rights leaders fought for so long ago. it's the twenty-first century, for crying out loud. a white film version and a black film version? come on. i've complained about this before. but it chaps my butt a bit, okay?

eleven. ten biggest pet peeves: A.) an inability to respect others' personal space, especially on the interstate. GET OFF MY ASS. you are driving a metal box that weighs TWO THOUSAND POUNDS at seventy miles per hour. you can do some serious damage to someone else's metal box, possibly causing damage to the person driving that metal box. you are driving it like you are the most important person on that road, and YOU ARE NOT. at night, if your headlights are illuminating the stickers on the rear windshield of the car before you so well that you can read the words on it, you are too damned close. your lights shouldn't be on the car in front of you at all, actually. BACK OFF; B.) alarm clocks; C.) brothers; D.) false kindness, as in don't be sweet to my face and stab me in the back. this is the most hateful lie. if you don't like me, fine. be civil. but don't hug on me and smile at me as though we're pals; E.) production companies spending millions of dollars on really bad cinema; F.) my father preferring to watch bad cinema as opposed to football G.) jesse palmer and craig james serving as commentators for any football game; H.) the volume levels while my father is watching television; I.) having to repeat myself to my father multiple times because he can't hear (i can't imagine why this could be.); J.) laundry.

twelve. i think cloud atlas is gonna bomb in the box office. there are some films that should NOT be made, and this seems to be one of'm.

thirteen. i am SICK of seeing advertisements made by bp trying to redeem themselves for the destruction they caused to the gulf. you suck. you will always suck. i don't want to hear about how much you've invested in the u.s. or how committed you are to the gulf. if that were the case, you wouldn't need to make those investments or convince the public of that commitment.

fourteen. five weaknesses: A.) jedi mind tricks would work wonders on me (and it's usually me doing the tricks on myself); B.) bread; C.) carbonated, caffeinated beverages; D.) cheese; E.) vulnerability.

fifteen. five strengths: A.) resiliency; B.) compassion; C.) generosity; D.) talent; E.) style (though this isn't always evident).

sixteen. i wish i were better with people, especially guys.

seventeen. on my body, i like the color of my eyes the best. just the color, though. not the shape.

eighteen. i've never read moby dick. my father's watching the encore version of the tale. i'm not impressed.

nineteen. i don't like ethan hawke. never thought he was cute. couldn't understand the fascination with him and his character in reality bites. i recall so many people loving that movie. i didn't get it.

twenty. i think i've only gone sailing once. and it was so long ago that i don't remember if i liked it or not. i do remember it was with someone who was a friend to me at the time, so long as no one else was looking.

twenty-one. i'm getting my allergies tested tomorrow. i'm not looking forward to it. supposedly you get pricked a whole bunch. i've a hard time getting pricked once.

twenty-two. lately, i've been having very bad dreams. the kind that involve worms crawling out of me. very unsettling things.

twenty-three. i watched the perks of being a wallflower last night. loved it. and while i watched it, i wish i'd had the courage in my youth to eat my lunch in the cafeteria, alone, rather than in the band hall, alone. or forced myself to go to a dance and dance, even as clumsily and awkwardly as i do it, rather than hiding in my room instead.

twenty-four. i've not been to california in more than twenty years. i go next week. i'm kind of excited.

twenty-five. and i go to attend my first writer's digest conference. i'm kind of excited about that, as well.

random quarter: the erin's list edition

one. i prefer to sit at the macy's mac or clinique cosmetics counters to do my makeup. otherwise, it doesn't get done.

two. i like looking at all the colors and such for makeup. the cases and whatnot. but really? i could live the rest of my life without the stuff and not feel a void or lack because of its absence.

three. my undergarments hardly ever match, although when i buy them, i purposefully choose colors and styles that work together. it's just that when i wash them, they never make it to the dresser. they land on the floor and i grab the first things i see.

four. i've never really liked going to art museums. and i was an art major the first two years in college, so you would think this would not be so, right? that i'd be all about'm. i'd rather spend my day in a football stadium. or in a pool. or a movie theater. i can't paint worth a damn, by the way. i'm pretty good with pencils, though.

five. i like live music well enough. house of blues is my favorite place to watch a show. i like smaller venues, where it's less about getting smashed and/or crazy and more about the music and watching the performance.

six. i get my news from my friends and family. really the only time i watch newsy stuff is on sunday mornings with my folks, when i clue in on all the political mumbo jumbo via george stephanopolous and the this week round table. but the evening news? i hardly ever watch that. 

seven. nine times out of ten, if i'm lounging on the couch or in my father's recliner, my mac is on my lap, the television is on (either tuned to football or a film), and there's some sort of beverage within reach. always with my laptop, though. always.

eight. i've never been to new york city. and that's okay. i've been to london. once you've seen that, new york seems kind of... meh. the only times i've wanted to see it are when i watch one fine day or serendipity. and even then, the inclination isn't that strong.

nine. i'm not a fan of yankee candles. they have maybe two fragrances i like, and i don't love'm enough to spend what the company's asking for them. there used to be a shop in the mall here call inspirations, i think. i liked their candles the best. but of course, yankee candle bough them out or something. 

ten. i love nail polish. but my nails, both on my hands and feet are so short, that coloring them would look funny. i hardly ever have my fingernails painted. i'll get my toes painted maybe three times a year.

eleven. i'm not sure what compelled me to buy half the things in my closet. i tend to wear the same dozen articles of clothing, usually a denim skirt paired with some aggies t-shirt or khaki cargos with a red t-shirt or a shirtdress, depending on what i'm doing at the time. i've folded stacks and mounds of clothes on my floor, most of which i've not worn in months.

twelve. i don't have any tattoos. i've debated getting one. if i do, it'd probably be a griffin or a celtic symbol of some sort, probably on my arm (cause that's the only part of me that doesn't have much fat on it). but seriously? i hate needles. so the chances of my getting a tattoo are supremely slim.

thirteen. i don't like roller coasters or bungee jumping or anything thrill-seeking like that. i'm a wuss. and i'm alright with this. i don't get motion sickness. i'm really glad i don't have that problem.

fourteen. i'm not nearly as comfortable in a car as i used to be. once upon a time, i'd get in my car and go driving on the back roads near my house, sometimes for hours. happily. i often felt most like myself when i was in my car. safest and strongest, which is weird considering the number of accidents in which i have been involved (i promise you, they weren't all my fault) and the number of times i used those aimless drives to vent or cry or wallow, i'm not sure how many would call that safe or strength. nowadays, though, i'm really only in my car for the shortest route from a to b. maybe this is because the roads are way too crowded nowadays, and people so frequently crowd each other on the roadways that i'm more often irritated by being in the car than relaxed as i once was.

fifteen. never owned a convertible. i think i'm alright with this. the only reason i would not get one is that i hate combing out the tangles in my hair.

sixteen. i can't remember the last time i wore a pair of shorts out in public. the last time i wore a bikini, i was three.

seventeen. i'm bad about volunteering my time and energy. i'm pretty good about giving folks money if they need it, though. assuming of course i have it to give.

eighteen. my dream job, i guess, is writing. i'm best at that, and i'd make my own schedule and stuff which is infinitely preferable to the way things are at the moment.

nineteen. i've never drank an entire cup of black coffee. i've had cafe mochas before. coffee's not so much my thing. tea and coke. and water. if i'm trying to be good. but it's almost always tea.

twenty. i can't garden worth a damn. and i'm alright with this, too.

twenty-one. my biggest fear is that i will never amount to anything.

twenty-two. my relationship with my parents... i feel like i'm too much the child, too reliant on their support, too reluctant to change my circumstances (because i'm too afraid to try to do better, i guess... or too lazy). my father and i butt heads about everything. my mother and i have never had that strong mother/daughter bond that i see other women have with their mothers, that she had with hers. i've never felt like i was a good fit for them. they are so opposite me in my so many ways. i feel like i am more often than not a great disappointment to them.

twenty-three. the most important thing i'd tell my sixteen year-old self is to stand up.

twenty-four. five things that make me happy right now: i've had two really good days at work at pbk, numbers-wise; football; sleep; writing; def leppard (i've not listened to any other band in a week... it's kind of nice to remember how much i loved their music in my youth, that i still can appreciate it).

twenty-five. the hardest thing i've ever experienced is rejection.